Just when I thought we've built a close working relationship, just when I thought I've found someone who could understand my feelings and just when I thought we'll be good colleagues, you all dash my hopes!
You all said teamwork is very important, and, we shouldn't do anything that betray each other, you all went against your own words and betray me. Just because I don't know how to handle you, or in fact I don't see a point, you betrayed me over and over again. I don't go to the extent of complaining about you all to any of the surbordinates, I can cross my heart and assure you all that I've not ever done this to you all even I was asked. But today, you all did this to me, feedback everything about me to the surbordinates over the smallest things that could just be solved between us.
Even till the day I tendered, I kept solemn of what has happened, and never had I tell our boss about what has happened. I swallowed down everything because I don't want to create problems for you all since I'm leaving, I cared too much for you all during this period till I started to hate myself for being too nice.
Whoever that has seen what you all had done to me on Thursday is so sure that I'm not at fault. No matter how nasty your comments are, I kept quiet without saying anything. I'm so glad that there're eye witness that day!
Because of all of you, I started to feel so emotional and up till today, I still couldn't get hold of my own emotions. How pathetic! Whenever I ponder over it, tears just kept flowing non stop! No one has ever made me cry till so badly other than all of you! I hated you all so much that I promised myself that I'm going to give you all a hard life during my last one month here. What comes around, goes around. Please bear this in mind.
Whoever has been trying to be there for me, cheer me up and stand by me, thank you so much! I appreciate every single little thing that you all have done for me. The only small thing that I hope my friends can do for me is don't ask me what has happened because I really don't wish to talk about it anymore.
Till my emotions are stable..
Dear Ben, I've said more than enough to you. You clearly knows that partial of my decision is because of you as well. But anyway, thank you for what you've done for me when we're still in good terms and sorry for creating so much troubles for you. I don't know if we will be talking again other than work, be it yes or no, how this will be solved as time pass, I still thank you for being there when I'm stress, help me to relieve stress by allowing me to whack you and etc. I miss those good old times with you even though it's a short period. I hate you at the same time too!
Every elements of my life :)
28 April 2012
As we grow older, we realize that there are so much issues for us to consider from the smallest to the biggest details in the different aspect of our life. I couldn't agree more to this.
I've friends telling me that they always feel that I'm the happiest one among them, but that is because they just see the surface of my life, which I don't blame them because they won't know until I started telling them. But as most of them knows that I don't usually share my sorrows with them unless I've controlled far too much, too long till I'm feeling out of breath and to put it bluntly across, it's when the problem has no way to be solve or even the percentage of solving it is low. Yes, that's me. (Quoted by Ben.)
Everyone sees me as the outgoing, cheerful, bubbly and always have endless energy to make others happy. Always the down to earth kind that will try my ultimate best to be there for my friends, to cheer them up and to be the kind of friend that they can count on. Yes, it's true that at times I does fail from being a good friend but they know that's because I've my own limitations of doing things for them especially when certain issues are not easily solved just basing on my judgmental views.
I'm pretty aware that no one else could change my negative thoughts, my ambitious character and etc except for myself.
Had a dinner gathering with my lovely bunch of Girlfriends yesterday and after much considerations and I don't know why but they manage to make me voice out everything. Seriously, they've that kind of power to allow me to be myself and share every single thing with them. They know I've been quite upset with my relationship lately, not because of third party or that sort of issues, is because my relationship is lack of communication which is one of the most important part in a relationship.
I felt enlightened and thinking slightly more after the chatting over the phone with Ben yesterday. It's so amazing yet weird that we can have endless topics to talk and we can even chat for two hours plus which I can never find this in my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't know how to explain that kind of feeling but it's just something that I always hope to find in my relationship with my boyfriend.
The most amazing part about Ben and me is that we barely know each other and it's just recently that we started to talk a little more about our personal life and all. But we could know what each other is thinking without saying anything. To be frank, he's very mature and he thinks the same way as me. There's a certain common things in us that I cannot find in my boyfriend.
When all of these starts to happen recently, I started to think if my choice of accepting the proposal and deciding to get married during this point of time was right. I started to think of those times that we just got together, those sweet memories we share and etc.. And this is the time that I asked myself if I'm truly happy now. Sounds sad isn't it?
Definitely, I'm hoping that things will get better soon and I can get the kind of blissful feeling back.
Hang on there!
I've friends telling me that they always feel that I'm the happiest one among them, but that is because they just see the surface of my life, which I don't blame them because they won't know until I started telling them. But as most of them knows that I don't usually share my sorrows with them unless I've controlled far too much, too long till I'm feeling out of breath and to put it bluntly across, it's when the problem has no way to be solve or even the percentage of solving it is low. Yes, that's me. (Quoted by Ben.)
Everyone sees me as the outgoing, cheerful, bubbly and always have endless energy to make others happy. Always the down to earth kind that will try my ultimate best to be there for my friends, to cheer them up and to be the kind of friend that they can count on. Yes, it's true that at times I does fail from being a good friend but they know that's because I've my own limitations of doing things for them especially when certain issues are not easily solved just basing on my judgmental views.
I'm pretty aware that no one else could change my negative thoughts, my ambitious character and etc except for myself.
Had a dinner gathering with my lovely bunch of Girlfriends yesterday and after much considerations and I don't know why but they manage to make me voice out everything. Seriously, they've that kind of power to allow me to be myself and share every single thing with them. They know I've been quite upset with my relationship lately, not because of third party or that sort of issues, is because my relationship is lack of communication which is one of the most important part in a relationship.
I felt enlightened and thinking slightly more after the chatting over the phone with Ben yesterday. It's so amazing yet weird that we can have endless topics to talk and we can even chat for two hours plus which I can never find this in my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't know how to explain that kind of feeling but it's just something that I always hope to find in my relationship with my boyfriend.
The most amazing part about Ben and me is that we barely know each other and it's just recently that we started to talk a little more about our personal life and all. But we could know what each other is thinking without saying anything. To be frank, he's very mature and he thinks the same way as me. There's a certain common things in us that I cannot find in my boyfriend.
When all of these starts to happen recently, I started to think if my choice of accepting the proposal and deciding to get married during this point of time was right. I started to think of those times that we just got together, those sweet memories we share and etc.. And this is the time that I asked myself if I'm truly happy now. Sounds sad isn't it?
Definitely, I'm hoping that things will get better soon and I can get the kind of blissful feeling back.
Hang on there!
27 April 2012
School has started on Tuesday and I've been feeling very lethargic with the fact that I worked till 8plus on days that I need to pay back the hours for my lessons days and sleeping at 12plus every night ever since the beginning of this week. Yes, I know this is just the beginning and everything will be fine after a couple week or so when I get used to it.
I've been so stressed up till lately, the thought of giving up the decision of my marriage is there. Honestly speaking, I'm not sure if my decision of getting married to him was out of my own accord or out of the pressure from friends and family members who keep asking me when will I tie the knot with him. I don't know if I'm right in a way or another.. Maybe, it was really to shut them off from bugging me with the same question over and over again. . I don't know, really don't.
Probably, all of these came upon me from the stress that I'm facing at work and school. I'm truly glad that my team-mates and I have managed to go through the worst times together, face it and beginning to understand what each other needs and wants now. Sometimes, it's just so amazing that they can even read my mind without me talking. This is the kind of working relationship that I always yearn for after years of working. And, I'm glad that I've found a group of people to allow me to work comfortably and the most important point is to allow me to look forward to work everyday no matter how tired I am. Thank you guys!
Recently, my new colleague has been treating me super well, always giving in to my childish-ness and will always be there for me when he knows that something is not right and when he knows that I need someone to talk in order to release stress. We've been quite close to the extent that I'm beginning to pull myself away from this because I clearly knows that I'm engaged and I'm getting married soon. And, even if feelings does build up between us, there's no way that we can be together. We're just going to be the closest colleagues plus friends in future. I know he has been very tolerating and forgiving to me all these while. And for this, I thank him for allowing me to be myself at work because I clearly knows that no one else other than him can tolerate me and understands me as well as he does especially when we're just friends. Thank you, Ben!
At times like this, I just feel that I'm just screwing up my own life.
I've been so stressed up till lately, the thought of giving up the decision of my marriage is there. Honestly speaking, I'm not sure if my decision of getting married to him was out of my own accord or out of the pressure from friends and family members who keep asking me when will I tie the knot with him. I don't know if I'm right in a way or another.. Maybe, it was really to shut them off from bugging me with the same question over and over again. . I don't know, really don't.
Probably, all of these came upon me from the stress that I'm facing at work and school. I'm truly glad that my team-mates and I have managed to go through the worst times together, face it and beginning to understand what each other needs and wants now. Sometimes, it's just so amazing that they can even read my mind without me talking. This is the kind of working relationship that I always yearn for after years of working. And, I'm glad that I've found a group of people to allow me to work comfortably and the most important point is to allow me to look forward to work everyday no matter how tired I am. Thank you guys!
Recently, my new colleague has been treating me super well, always giving in to my childish-ness and will always be there for me when he knows that something is not right and when he knows that I need someone to talk in order to release stress. We've been quite close to the extent that I'm beginning to pull myself away from this because I clearly knows that I'm engaged and I'm getting married soon. And, even if feelings does build up between us, there's no way that we can be together. We're just going to be the closest colleagues plus friends in future. I know he has been very tolerating and forgiving to me all these while. And for this, I thank him for allowing me to be myself at work because I clearly knows that no one else other than him can tolerate me and understands me as well as he does especially when we're just friends. Thank you, Ben!
At times like this, I just feel that I'm just screwing up my own life.
20 April 2012
After years of deciding which school to go for my Diploma, which course to take up and when to do so.. I'm going to start school on next Tuesday officially! Embarking a life that I've never go through before. Honestly speaking, I've been having lots of jittery feelings in me since last week. I kept talking to myself and convince myself that these 8 months will be a very smooth path for me because I know I'll work extremely hard for my assignments and exams.
I've nevertheless fall sick during this period which is filled with stress. Stress with worries for my studies, stress with the decision on whether leaving my full time job for a moment is beneficial with me, stress with my financial issues when I leave my job and stress with worries again if my ROM will run smoothly. I think I will fall into depression one day..
The actual day for my ROM is getting nearer and nearer.. From 8 months to now, 6 months. Don't ask me if I'm feeling excited over it because my answer is a big NO! Not that I'm not looking forward to getting married with him but I've so much to get worried now till there's no excitement.
I'm thankful for my friends who has been there for me, to pick me up, guide me and cheer me up along the way.. Allowing me to have a platform to release my stress. Thank you guys!
Life at work is slightly better now. Able to understand my team mates more and I'm willing to give everything (the hard feelings) a break and let go of everything. I just wants to embrace a brand new path in work with them and be the best of friend at the end of it. Nubox Team, I'm thankful for each and everyone of you despite our different mindsets which caused us to argue at times. But trust me, you guys are definitely one of the best team I could be with.
All in all, I'm ready for the brand new journey and I know I'll be able to make it through with the guidance and support from my family, boyfriend and friends! Cheer up and be strong, Serene! :)
I've nevertheless fall sick during this period which is filled with stress. Stress with worries for my studies, stress with the decision on whether leaving my full time job for a moment is beneficial with me, stress with my financial issues when I leave my job and stress with worries again if my ROM will run smoothly. I think I will fall into depression one day..
The actual day for my ROM is getting nearer and nearer.. From 8 months to now, 6 months. Don't ask me if I'm feeling excited over it because my answer is a big NO! Not that I'm not looking forward to getting married with him but I've so much to get worried now till there's no excitement.
I'm thankful for my friends who has been there for me, to pick me up, guide me and cheer me up along the way.. Allowing me to have a platform to release my stress. Thank you guys!
Life at work is slightly better now. Able to understand my team mates more and I'm willing to give everything (the hard feelings) a break and let go of everything. I just wants to embrace a brand new path in work with them and be the best of friend at the end of it. Nubox Team, I'm thankful for each and everyone of you despite our different mindsets which caused us to argue at times. But trust me, you guys are definitely one of the best team I could be with.
All in all, I'm ready for the brand new journey and I know I'll be able to make it through with the guidance and support from my family, boyfriend and friends! Cheer up and be strong, Serene! :)
04 April 2012
3 years ago, we officially got together on this very actual day. The first six months of our relationship was pretty shaky because I couldn't pass my own test, mentally. I called for a break up twice during that period but you insisted of trying out again. You prove me wrong with your sincerity and actions. And yes, I was very much convinced with you and thus, falling so deep in love with you.
The first year was pretty stressful for us because our financial wasn't stable yet and we go about scrimping and saving even when we go out. We don't even dare to think about enjoying our life together let alone saying marriage. But we've pull through that test where most of the time I always have this mentality of calling off our relationship.
The second year was much better except the fact that my parents and sister was being biased against you for a period and you wasn't aware of this. Time was the best test for everything because they've loved you even more now and they always tell me that you're the best for me.
We've gone through so much things like what other couples do as well. What matters most is not how much we've gone through but is how we manage to do so, learn and grow up together from there. Our family and closer friends has watched on how much we've grow up ever since we got together. That explains why they're invited to our ROM day to witness a new stage for us.
All in all, I'm glad that I've found someone who can withstand my nonsense, temperamental mood swings, craziness and my perceptions that a boyfriend is always being placed in my second priority. He has the world's best temper and I truly appreciate it.
Mr Fiance, Happy Three Years Anniversary to us! I promise I will love you even more now because you deserve them all. Love you now, always and forever! :)
The first year was pretty stressful for us because our financial wasn't stable yet and we go about scrimping and saving even when we go out. We don't even dare to think about enjoying our life together let alone saying marriage. But we've pull through that test where most of the time I always have this mentality of calling off our relationship.
The second year was much better except the fact that my parents and sister was being biased against you for a period and you wasn't aware of this. Time was the best test for everything because they've loved you even more now and they always tell me that you're the best for me.
We've gone through so much things like what other couples do as well. What matters most is not how much we've gone through but is how we manage to do so, learn and grow up together from there. Our family and closer friends has watched on how much we've grow up ever since we got together. That explains why they're invited to our ROM day to witness a new stage for us.
All in all, I'm glad that I've found someone who can withstand my nonsense, temperamental mood swings, craziness and my perceptions that a boyfriend is always being placed in my second priority. He has the world's best temper and I truly appreciate it.
Mr Fiance, Happy Three Years Anniversary to us! I promise I will love you even more now because you deserve them all. Love you now, always and forever! :)
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